this will be my last entry

i could probably write a bible on what has happened over the last few month.

following a hawaiian cult
vomiting in the gym
running a marathon
washing the dishes
playing "an jing" on the piano
using the worst pickup line ever (so whats your favorite dinosaur?)
queuing up alone to enter MOS

and telling an officer what a fucker he was.

ultimately i learned one thing i knew right from the start.

fortune, favors the bold.

heh.

when everything seems unsatisfactory.
its time to start doing everything yourself.

i hate

i am about to whine

NS

nothing seems to make sense. why do they delay our book-out time on purpose?!. seriously, i am rather sick of this shit. sure sure sure stay-out is a privilege so why the hell do they make things so difficult?

you are entitled to go off at 5:30pm

its 6pm and you are still doing work because of some fucking safety competition NOT productive work but some fucking competition that you are not involved in at all! AND YET you are doing work for it. the worst thing is that suddenly, the fall-in bell rings and you got to leave all your shit there and fall-in while your other friends are NOT falling in because they are fucking around doing god knows what. they make you stay back for doing shit you are not gonna get rewarded for AND they fucking waste your time even further WTF. WTF. WTF. its so absurd that i am finding it funny. its so illogical that i fucking wish malaysia would just invade this fucking country one of these days and desmond kuek discovers no soldier is available because they are all fucking participating in the army half marathon or planning some fucking family event (fucking family event lol) fucking shit!!!!!!111111111

that was only half of my anger this month i need to dissipate the other half.

-turns on depression mood-

why is it..........

in the course of doing national service, i have came across the best mind readers in the planet.

they have seen thousands of people, observed them daily, every single second they are around and its their job to do so. i am not referring to the regimental or military police of course, those guys are morons. i am referring to our exhausting pool of warrant officers. i noticed an interesting pattern, that all of them declare themselves masters of their game, having "read the mind of every single recruit / sergeant / officer who has went under their command", all of them call themselves experts in knowing what you are going to do next. to the common mind, this is of course, the rambles of a old mad man (OMM) but after the first few times i heard this in BMT, i realized this was an opportunity, to make use of what they say to establish, perhaps, my first mini thesis on psychology.

warrant officers all follow a set formula in generating respect for themselves and establishing a rapport with the men. this is done through the

creation of a cult figure
finding common ground
isolating the misfits
and finally clearing the mess (warrant officers usually have bad english)

i will explain as i go on.


firstly, the most quoted line among warrant officers : " i have many stories to tell"

variations : " i tell you huh..... <insert comment about himself (e.g i tell you hurh, i am very unlucky person)>
                     " last time huh / during my time hurh / in the past hurh / a long long time ago (in the southern province of china.. hahah)

translation ; i am more experienced then you, learn from me.


the is one of the most powerful statements to demonstrate higher value i have seen around. it immediately evokes thoughts of teachers, parents, indiana jones, james bond, jason bourne etc and elevates them in the given setting. i find myself leaning forward each time i hear that line whether or not the person is a malay. in the essence of speeches, warrant officers have this advantage over our officers because frankly speaking, i want to hear experiences i can learn from not how in one day 56 privates saluted you!. the truth is, this way of opening has been used fairly often in normal conversations, remember how the most interesting person in the group is always the dude who got robbed in ukraine or stepped on a landmine in cambodia (lessons learnt : dont go to ukraine or cambodia)  and how he cant stop telling stories? this is the way to prove value at its best.

CONT.D

MSN GROUP: Mystery's Lounge
SUBJECT: Field Report—The Seduction of Paris Hilton
AUTHOR: Papa
Today, I went with Style, Mystery, and our real estate agent to our prospective
mansion, Dean Martin's old crib in the Hollywood Hills. I am in love with the
place and can't wait to close the deal. We will be on top of the world, literally
and figuratively. When you are in our crib, everything seems perfect.
It's a short walk to a popular Mexican fast-food restaurant, so we went
over there for a late lunch.

 After ordering food, we found a table outside.
Suddenly, our agent leaned over to me and whispered:

REAL ESTATE AGENT: You know, I saw Paris Hilton walk inside the
restaurant. I think she's ordering a burrito. Why don't you go pick her
up?
PAPA: Really?
STYLE: Hey, if you are going to walk over there, don't look in her direction.
PAPA: All right, it's playtime.

I got up, walked into the restaurant, and saw a hot blonde chick getting salsa.
So I thought, "Salsa sounds good to me." I've been gearing my game up for
this moment, and now it was time to take what I deserved. So I walked over to
her side and pretended like I was just at the salsa bar by coincidence. I helped
myself to some salsa, and then looked over my right shoulder at her and started
the conversation with Style's jealous girlfriend opener.

PAPA: Hey, I need a female opinion on something?
PARIS: (Smiles and looks up) Okay.
PAPA: Would you date a guy who was still friends with his ex-girlfriend?
PARIS: Yeah. I think so. Sure.
I started to walk away, then turned back and continued the conversation.
PAPA: Hmm. Actually, this is a two-part question.
PARIS: (Smiles and giggles)
PAPA: Imagine you were dating a guy who was still friends with his
ex-girlfriend. And you were going to move in with him but he had a
drawer with pictures of his ex-girlfriend—not nudie pictures or
anything, just regular pictures and some letters.
PARIS: Ooh. I would so get rid of them. I would put them in a box.

I cut her off and continued with the opener.

PAPA: Do you think it's unreasonable for her to want him to get rid of those
pictures?
PARIS: Oh, for sure. I dated a guy who did that, and I tossed them.
PAPA: Wow! The reason why I asked was because I have a friend in the
same situation, and she burned them.
PARIS: Yes. That's what I should have done. [Smiles]
PAPA: Hmm. Cool.
Paris finished getting her salsa, then took her salsa containers and started to
walk away.
PAPA: Hey, you know, you look like a little cartoon version of Britney
Spears. Oh, maybe it's just your teeth.

Paris put her salsa container back on the table, looked at me, and smiled. Then
I told her Style's Cs versus Us routine.

PAPA: Yeah! You have Britney teeth. Well, that's what my ex-girlfriend said. I
mean, she has a theory that girls who have teeth in a wide C-shape,
like Britney Spears, are perceived as good girls, no matter how many
guys they hook up with. You have the same kind of C-shaped teeth.
PARIS: (Excited and smiling) Oh, yeah?
PAPA: Hey, I mean, just look at the smiles of the cover girls on magazines.
They have the same kind of teeth. Well, at least that's what she said.
She even got surgery done to her teeth because she had U-shaped
teeth, like Christina Aguilera. She said U-shaped teeth are perceived
as unfriendly, and that's why Christina Aguilera has the bad girl
reputation and Britney Spears doesn't.
PARIS: [Smiles) Wow.

We walked to the counter and she grabbed her food. I acted as if I were
going to leave, but don't think I'm going to leave Paris without proper game.
She had her food and was about to exit the restaurant, so I had to keep her
there. I looked over my shoulder and continued the conversation.

PAPA: I have an intuition about you.
PARIS: What?

She put her food down and looked at me.

PAPA: You know, I can tell you deep insights about yourself just by asking
three questions.
PARIS: Oh yeah?
PAPA: Yeah. Here, come over to this table.
PARIS: Okay, sure.

I sat down at a nearby table, and she placed her food on the table and sat
across from me. When she sat down, she smiled. I knew I was set and that it
was time to work solid game. For the next fifteen minutes, we shared some stories
about Hollywood and talked about commonalities. I did some qualifying,
gave her some Speed Seduction patterns, and told her some socially proofed
higher-value stories.

PAPA: Well, my friend taught me this fascinating visualization technique
called the Cube. He's over there right now, and we just finished
shopping for a house over there [pointing in the direction of the Hollywood
Hills). I've been living in a hotel for the last ten weeks. Ugh.
PARIS: Oh yeah! Which one?
PAPA: The Furama.
PARIS: [Nods) Yeah, I live right up the street on Kings Road.
PAPA: Cool. I'll be your neighbor. I'm moving into a house on Londonderry.
It's a great place, and I already have so much heart for it. My friend
Style and I are talking about making it a place for after-parties.
PARIS: Cooool.
PAPA: Okay. Are you ready for the Cube?
PARIS: Yes. Sure. [Smiles)
PAPA: [Escalating the yes-ladder) Before I start, I need to ask you a few
questions. Are you intelligent?
PARIS: Yes.
PAPA: Are you intuitive?
PARIS: Yes.
PAPA: Do you have a good imagination?
PARIS: Yes.
PAPA: Okay. Great! We'll continue then. Imagine you're driving in the
desert and you see a cube. How big is the cube?
PARIS: It's really big!
PAPA: How big is that?
PARIS: As big as a hotel.
Though I knew who she was, I didn't give it away and acknowledge she was
a Hilton.
PAPA: Hmm. Interesting. Okay, so what color is it?
PARIS: Pink.
PAPA: Cool. Is if something you can see through or is it solid?
PARIS: You can see right through it.
PAPA: Rock on! Now, let's add a ladder. Where is the ladder in relation to
the cube?
PARIS: It's leaning against the cube, going into the middle of it.
PAPA: Ah! I would have expected you to say that.
PARIS: Yeah. (Smiles and giggles)
PAPA: Yeah. So let's add one more thing to your picture. Let's add a horse.
Where is the horse in relation to everything in your picture?
PARIS: It's sleeping.
PAPA: Where is it sleeping?
PARIS: In front of the cube.
PAPA: Wow. Interesting. (Pause) Okay. Are you ready to find out what all
of this mean? (Pause) It doesn't mean anything! No, just kidding. The
cube represents what you think of yourself. It's your ego. Now, your
cube is pretty big. You have a lot of self-confidence. It's not superhuge.
I mean, it's not like you have a huge ego, but you definitely
carry yourself with a lot of confidence. Also, your cube is pink.
PARIS: Yeah. That's my favorite color.
PAPA: Well, pink is also a color that is playful and bright, and you chose
that because you carry yourself with the same kind of energy. You
are the kind of person who really likes to have fun and party, but you
are also the kind of person who just enjoys being in other people's
company.
PARIS: Yes.
PAPA: And your cube is something that you can see right through. Now, that
represents how people interact with you because you are the kind of
person who even when people first meet you, they can see right
through you. You really connect with people and that rocks.
PARIS: What's your name?
PAPA: Papa. What's your name?
PARIS: Paris.
PAPA: Rock on. I feel like we have so much to talk about.
PARIS: Yes.
PAPA: We should definitely party it up together sometime.
PARIS: Yes. We should.
PAPA: Here.

I gave her a piece of paper and a pen. She wrote down her first and last
name, and then handed it to me, expecting to impress me and get a wow
response. But I didn't give her any response, as if I had no idea who she was.
Then I handed it back to her.

PAPA: Here.
PARIS: Okay. Write it down right here?
PAPA: Yes.
PARIS: This is my cell phone.
PAPA: Cool.
PARIS: Yeah. We should definitely meet up.
PAPA: Yeah. Rock on. I'll see ya, kid.

I walked back to see the boys at the table outside.

STYLE: Nice job, man. Nobody give Papa a high-five or acknowledge it,
in case she sees it. Well done, bro.
REAL ESTATE AGENT: High five, bro.

I explained to the boys what happened. This rocks. I know that this is the way
things are going to be. It just makes sense that I would roll with Paris Hilton
when I am in Project Hollywood.

Mystery, this is my set. So hands off when Paris comes by the crib to see
Papa.
Cheers,
Papa

to be frank life is a total bore.

a chore more like it. i don't understand what i am doing everyday during national service. i am rehearsing a dance based on indian hip hop and singing a song with the title "let the music heal your soul" by a couple of artists probably living on welfare benefits. i go to the workshop everyday looking forward to taking a nap in the M3 air-conditioned cockpit / classroom and spend the rest of my time eating in the canteen while playing KING OF FIGHTERS 97. on tuesdays and fridays i play street soccer in the camp and risk angering warrant low who treats the game as serious as war. oh and i stay-out.

i apologize if you get to read this, because i just have to tell someone who wouldn't shout back at me in disgust at the unfairness of the system or say that i am a lesser man for going through such a slack NS life. i do not really appreciate such a hostile reaction when giving a honest answer to a friendly question in the first place. oh well.

many ask why dont i do something about it? why not go work extra? pick up a musical instrument, learn more, take up a course. the problem is that i am already pushing my free time to the limits so much so that... well.. its quite enough and very tiring. believe me that staying-out doesnt make you less tired when you reach home everyday, the novelty wears out fast and somedays i wish i could just sleep in my bunk until the next morning (and at that sentence, a thousand NS men cried out in anger). i really want to make these days fulfilling and use them to the fullest potential but the fatigue is quite killing and i cant seem to stop breaking out in pimples from lack of sleep and the dirty conditions i am exposed to everyday.

ironically i am finding solace in good ol gaming therapy again, this time in rome total war's europa barbaroum (did i spell that right?). i have reclaimed most of greek's most legendary monuments so far and managed to beat down the mighty macedonians to the small port city of palla bordering the golden horn.... hmm i think it must be at least a large city since the golden horn is known for its insane sea traffic.

interestingly, this kind of reminds me of my isolated secondary school days, where i could actually spend entire holidays just playing games albeit in a controlled manner (meaning having enough sleep and eating) and rejecting every request to see sunlight. i cant remember much of those days now, except that they were quite fun though i did not really care if it wasnt fun. in fact, i am pretty sure i became cynical beyond measure during those silent 4 years though again, its hard to find a single event which started it all.

i am 19 now........ yet it seems i cant shake off the yoke of circumstance.

i remember telling jason once while performing guard duty prowling at 4am in the morning. he was telling me about how he wished for the chance to meet more girls or something like that lol that was what my brain remembers chiefly. ironically i seem to have caught that syndrome too. for, every weekday now as i go to work i contend my mood on seeing an exceptionally pretty nan chaiu sec student. if i dont see her, i would dedicate the entire day to causing pain and hate to my platoon mates!!! and if i do i would still dedicate the day to causing mayhem in the workshop albeit that i shall do so with a smile. unfortunately i have told far too many people that getting to know someone based on their looks is the most absurd way of romantic-attraction and very shallow as such, i shall dwell in my abode of self-denial.

*roll eyes.

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. "You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman. "You should be working rather than lying on the beach!"

The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?" "Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer. "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said.

"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman. The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!" Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?" The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!"

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?"

its been almost 8 months of NS and i seriously hate it.

firstly i got no time to do anything.

which is rather ironic since i am in a stay-out unit. unfortunately after dinner + bath + brushing teeth + a bit of family time, i got just about enough time to play the piano and go to sleep before 2200. occasionally i would stay up later to protest against such a diktat and routine lifestyle but it is detrimental to my health fortunately i feel that writing (typing) its quite a good way of getting detrimental thoughts out of the brain.

honestly i cant seem to find where my money is going. perhaps its the $140 a month piano lessons, now $150 due to an increase in grade. perhaps its the insane amounts of canteen breaks we get which always results in food spending (which i justify as a necessity to beef up myself). perhaps its the absurd amount of stuff i am putting on my face with no good effect or the fabrics so well woven (and advertised) which feed my insatiable lust for looking presentable even when walking to the neighborhood barber. i think its all of them, including the stupid bicycle i invested in... because i cant cycle.

--------__________________________--------

this sucks.

my solution... i guess would be to give tuition to earn that extra buck.

(sing)WHAT IN THE WORLD CANT BE DONE
EVERY PROBLEM I SEE I CAN FIND A SOLUTION
THIS LIFE IS MY OWN, AND I WILL LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST
WHATEVER GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS I HAVE I CAN ACHIEVE THEM ALL.

(rap)
as time goes by
i find that i can do anything in this world
solve all my problems and frustrations
i ask heaven why does everyone hate me
why everyone is so unreasonable
why everyone likes to report bad things about me
i made a commercial recently
to let you know from my heart

if you hit me once i wouldnt hit hit back
if you hit me a second time i will laugh at you
because you cant win.
my name is chen guan xi
always working hard
achieving my own goals
thank god he gave me a bunch of brothers.
i wish to conquer the world with my clot family.

(sing)
WHAT IN THE WORLD CANT BE DONE
EVERY PROBLEM I SEE I CAN FIND A SOLUTION
THIS LIFE IS MY OWN, AND I WILL LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST
WHATEVER GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS I HAVE I CAN ACHIEVE THEM ALL.

(rap)
when i wake up tomorrow
i know my friends will be behind my back
i dont need to open my mouth
i just need to say "go"
you say i cant sing hip hop
but i am still singing
do you want to bet?
you lose because
i am singing this song now

those mountains that no one climb
i have conquered them all
i have no talent
but what am i doing now?
let me sing to you
why am i acting in movies?
why am i reinventing the music industry?
i am not an idol
but in my heart
i believe nothing is impossible


(sing)
WHAT IN THE WORLD CANT BE DONE
EVERY PROBLEM I SEE I CAN FIND A SOLUTION
THIS LIFE IS MY OWN, AND I WILL LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST
WHATEVER GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS I HAVE I CAN ACHIEVE THEM ALL.

(rap)
even if i fall down
i will not shout
it doesnt mean i fail.
lets do it again
i will do it again until i finish it
i will preserve for the fans and dreams
and to achieve the fullest potential in life.

i have let down some people in the past
but now i have come to my senses

i will always rise up
not scared of hardship
hardship is nothing
enduring it to me  is nothing

(sing)
WHAT IN THE WORLD CANT BE DONE
EVERY PROBLEM I SEE I CAN FIND A SOLUTION
THIS LIFE IS MY OWN, AND I WILL LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST
WHATEVER GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS I HAVE I CAN ACHIEVE THEM ALL. X 2

(I CAN DO ANYTHING)
IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING
NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE
(I CAN DO ANYTHING)


i like this song, reminds me of a secondary school kid aspiring to be the next edison chen HURHURHUR GIVE ME PROPS FOR TRANSLATING A LANGUAGE I DONT SPEAK.